As I get older, I have noticed I am less immune to being stricken with sudden emotional outbreaks.
Years of cynicism has kept it in check. But, on this day, I could not help but notice there was no immunity.
Zach Sobiech. 17 years old. Kind hearted. Full of dreams. Brimming with ideas, talent, positivity, hope, acceptance and joy. The word unfortunate is a sick joke when used to explain that all these wonderful attributes of his, are gone. And so is his life. His body ravaged by a rare and uncurable cancer, he has left a void in those who personally knew him too deep to ever fill - and it has extended worldwide. I first read about him on SoulPancake; I’ve learned much about him. I’ve seen the interviews and I even liked his song; but death has a way of shaking your mortalitymometer. He has become more real. And I am very, very saddened by it.
And like the 5 stages of death, I’m angry. As usual, I'm angry at God. I'm angry at people who abuse themselves. But most of all, I’m angry at myself.
How dare I.
How dare I have a bad day. How dare I, be upset at the price of gas. How dare I, get annoyed over trivial day to day matters. How dare I allow myself to be inconvenienced by really anything. Shameful. Unforgivable really.
And how dare you. How dare you spend time wasting away with gossip, hate, moodiness and passion for affairs that never matter in the end. How dare you, try to change whoever you are, or how you look. How dare you, have easily attainable dreams and do nothing about chasing them. And how dare I.
How dare us all.
Last week, millions of us were salivating in wanting to win the Powerball lottery. All Zach wanted, was another day. I’m rich beyond his wildest dreams with the wealth of time and health. I have a bank full of days; often invested poorly. I open my wallet and buy time by the glassful, rarely finishing it, and pouring it down the drain. And for that, I am sorry. How dare I.
I will just let his kind eyes and wonderful song speak for itself.